Bipolar Husband – Bipolar Wife – Help with Bipolar Marriage
The Story Behind the Book About Marriage
To a Bipolar Husband or Bipolar Wife
The Bi polar Support Groups
Don't Want You To Read (con't)
How To Be "Married To Mania"
It was a tough education. I had to learn tips for dealing with the medical and insurance establishments without second-guessing myself. They are decidedly not on your side. I had to accept going to counseling for me because my bipolar husband's psychiatrist wasn't going to be there with me when a bipolar episode occurred and my bipolar husgand was screaming at me uncontrollably for no reason, went on a wild spending spree squandering our future or became obsessed with other women or internet pornography.
His bipolar psychiatrist wouldn't help me decide whether to call the police or the mental hospital admissions desk. He couldn't be there everyday to help me figure out what to say and what not to say to the children or tell me how to explain what was wrong dad, and how it wasn't their fault.
I had to learn how to be “Married To Mania” but still make critical decisions everyday that took my bipolar husband's best interests into account without eradicating my morale and self-esteem in the process. I had to dig deep to learn how to still be me, the good person I know I was who didn't deserve any of this.
How To Be a Better Spouse To a Bi Polar Husband or Bipolar Wife
And after 2 years of research, I finished my book. I made sure to cover life-tested and proven strategies to help husbands and wives married to bipolar spouses become a stronger people and better spouses, despite the odds stacked against us. I wrote about how to take a mental-health break every now and then to appreciate the unexpected good days. And then how to jump back into your flak jacket, switch off the memory bank and turn up the force field when “reality” hits again.
All I wanted to do was help other husbands and wives learn to take care of themselves, cope with their mentally ill partner and sometimes to flourish in marriage made more challenging by mental illness. I wrote the book to help spouses in a bipolar marriage find the strength to merge two seemingly impossible objectives: staying married and taking charge of your own life (instead of waiting to see what your partner’s mood is before deciding what yours will be that day). I even discuss how to make the decision and gain the strength to leave.
I am very proud of my book, and it has sold well to its intended audience. But a funny thing happened on my way to "giving back." I sent emails offering review copies to all the major mental health organizations. I asked them if they'd review my book and then help me promote it to the spouses of the bipolar consumers they were helping. In exchange, I'd donate a percentage of every sale to their organization.
Rejected by the Bipolar Helping Establishment – Not There To Support Those
Married to a Bipolar Husband or Bi polar Wife
I was turned down by 100% of the bipolar disorder groups I approached. The general consensus was that my book was "too negative" or "not supportive." I had to laugh. I had been nothing, if not supportive, for more than 15 years. In fact, here's what one Executive Director wrote to me,
"Thanks for the opportunity to review your book, 'Married to Mania.' While it has some excellent material, we are not willing to put it on our website at this time. Some of our concerns unfortunately outweigh the many good parts. While we value your telling of your personal experiences, we want to foster Recovery, which is a reality for most persons with mental illnesses."
Of course they want to foster recovery–that's what they're mandated to do. The target market for this book isn't the bipolar husband or the bipolar wife! It's for the spouse of the bipolar husband and bipolar wife! The book is for the spouse who's married to a bipolar and who is about to fall apart, unraveling the last thread of support holding the family together!
The bipolar support industry totally missed my entire point. Here was a valuable resource that I'd searched for and couldn't find. A resource that an established organization could easily make available for the #1 supportive person in a bipolar husband's or bipolar wife's life…the one who was in daily charge of a bipolar husband's or wife's emotional, physical and mental stability. Take that person out of the equation, and the whole family dynamic falls apart. Wasn't that worth supporting, too? Or does only a sick person deserve help?
But, you know what? After I got over my anger, I realized: I really did have a best-seller! But I was pitching it to the wrong audience. I had to pitch my book to husbands and wives of bipolar spouses who know hope exists, but they weren't able to find it.
So if you're trying to make a bipolar marriage or a bipolar relationship work, then you're already familiar with the Bipolar Husband (or Bipolar Wife) Trifecta: Diagnosis, treatment and denial. You might find some life-changing nuggets in "Married To Mania." Because if you can’t live by the old saying, “It’s the journey, not the destination,” then I advise you not to take the trip.