Alcohol and Bipolar Disorder: What Are They Thinking?

Bipolar disorder affect the entire family, not just the afflicted person. Psychology Today magazine has estimates that the divorce rate among couples where at least one partner is bipolar is more than 90%.

Self-medication is a worrying aspects of bipolar disorder, and many diagnosed with bipolar disorder turn to alcohol. Both men and women with bipolar disorder are more likely to become alcoholics as compared to those without this condition.

Bipolar alcohol abuse often occurs because it can be one way to eliminate the symptoms of bipolar disorder, such as anxiety, depression and fear. However, this often backfires because as dependency on alcohol increases, the patient ends up with a dual diagnosis with debilitating symptoms.

Furthermore, alcoholism worsens bipolar symptoms, and it becomes more difficult to treat this condition because not only does alcohol complicate the symptoms, but it also makes it difficult to use certain medications that cannot be used with liquor.

According to a study by Oxford University and the Karolinska Institutet in Sweden and mentioned in www.bphope.com, “21% of patients with bipolar disorder and a diagnosis of severe substance abuse (alcohol or illegal drugs) were convicted of violent crimes, compared to 5% of those with bipolar disorder but without substance abuse, 5% among the unaffected siblings of bipolar patients, and 3% among general public control individuals.”

The question that arises for the partner of the bipolar alcoholic is whether it is worthwhile to save a marriage beset with this challenging combination of medical conditions. Certainly not every bipolar alcoholic spouse is violent, so this is not necessarily a question of spousal abuse.

But the 800-pound gorilla in the room is how long should well spouses endure the troubles in their marriages? Some spouses draw strength from their religion or marriage vows and see treatment for their sick spouse as “part of the package” they signed on for. Everyone knows bipolar alcoholics cannot control their bouts of mania and depression alone and frequently suck all the support and love they can get from their relationships—often without gratitude.

Well partners may often feel they are contributing the overwhelming amount of effort in their relationship–emotionally, physically and responsibly. The fact is that the bipolar alcoholic cannot control the negative symptoms and requires constant stimulation, love, support and reassurance to address both bipolar disorder and alcoholism.

A bipolar marriage is chock full of challenges most marriages don’t have. To have a success, both partners must acknowledge these challenges and work toward a compromise. The well partner cannot be the sole responsible partner for the success of the marriage. And the sick partner cannot “check out” of his marriage to through alcohol or participation in other risky behaviors. The patient may not be curable, but a successful marriage depends on the bipolar alcoholic making an effort.

Should I Divorce My Cheating Bipolar Husband?

Living with a bipolar husband is a challenging experience on its own. But when his mood disorder is compounded with infidelity, the situation can reach a crisis level.

Bipolar disorder is characterized by mood variations from mania to depression and there’s typically plenty of risky behavior in between. One of the worst is the connection between bipolar and cheating– adultery.

Even couples on the brink of divorce who are not facing bipolar issues often arrive there because of infidelity. It’s indeed hard to forgive these breeches of trust. But for bipolar husbands who cheat, the adultery for the spouse is like rubbing salt into an already open wound.

The first question that arises most often is…

“Should I allow my husband to get away with cheating on me because he blames it on his bipolar disorder?”

In other words, is a doctor-approved diagnosis of bipolar disorder a “get out of jail free” card for a cheating husband?

Does Society Condone Cheating from Bipolar Husbands?

Certainly, society has become more accepting of mental illness and there are plenty of public examples of bad behavior being blamed on a chronic mental condition.

Take, for instance, the recent case of New York Democratic Congressman Anthony Weiner who apologized for his inappropriate “sexting” behavior by announcing he was going for treatment of his undisclosed “condition.” Speculation about his diagnosis ranged from an obsessive sex addiction to a narcissistic personality disorder at the root of his scandal, and he ultimately resigned from office.

In another story, a banker was penalized with a milder sentence for an outrageous theft because he was found to be suffering from depression.

Many bipolar husbands and wives use their condition as an excuse to seek out extra-marital affairs during the manic phase. A heartfelt apology is many times enough for someone’s human frailties to be overlooked, excused or forgiven.

The dilemma is the confusion over morality vs. biology. If someone with a mental disorder cheats, lies or is unfaithful, it’s common for this behavior to be more exaggerated than in someone who cheats who is not mentally ill. For example, sex addicts are known to be controlled by their urges, as opposed to most of society who feels the impulse but uses introspection and morality to respond.

Why Do Some Wives Put Up with Bipolar Lying and Cheating?

Wives want to know: Should I hate the sin or the sinner? Should I divorce my cheating bipolar husband.

To answer these questions, you must evaluate how your spouse’s behavior impacts your sense of self-worth. How much you can handle the cheating, the lying and the adultery which is likely never to end because it’s compulsive. Are you are willing to go the distance and participate in your husband’s therapy? Is he even willing to go?

Since there is no cure for bipolar disorder, just management of symptoms, are you willing to take the plunge and live with someone who hurts you emotionally and continues to “get away with it” because they have a doctor-diagnosed excuse?

Why Is Bipolar Marriage Help Always About the Bipolar Husband or Wife?

I guess my article for today is more like a rant.

Why is it whenever you see an article or video for help with your bipolar marriage, the help is always about supporting your bipolar husband or bipolar wife? When do you get help for the marital challenges you’re facing?

PLEASE! Don’t everyone reading this rant leave me a comment on this blog post telling me how insensitive I am, how uncaring, how I don’t know what I’m talking about.

I absolutely do know what I’m talking about, and I commend Dr. Art Bowler on his fine advice in this video. Keeping a diary of your bipolar husband’s or bipolar wife’s mood swings is an excellent way to provide factual (as opposed to emotional) feedback to your spouse’s psychiatrist.

After all, you are living with your spouse everyday, while your spouse’s p-doc sees him in person only 50 minutes maybe–what?–twice a year (barring any emergencies, God forbid).

In a bipolar marriage, someone has to be the detail-oriented or focused person to keep track of important medical information. Typically, this falls into the pile of responsibilities the well spouse takes on. No problem.

But for those of us who have a bipolar husband or bipolar wife, doing all the “shoulds” recommended by doctors, psychologists, self-help books, friends and family, can result in a full-time job caring for your sick spouse. (Actually, some months it’s even more than a full-time job.)

My rant is not about whether you should be a caregiver for your bipolar spouse. Of course you should! That’s what marriage is all about, taking care of one another.

My rant is that no one ever gives any bipolar marital advice on how to help the well spouse in a bipolar marriage (only how to help the sick spouse!) With all the bipolar marriages out there, there must be a lot of proven tips that could really help couples trying to make a bipolar marriage work.

Let’s think past all the bipolar marriage barriers.

First of all, the psychiatrist is bound by doctor-patient confidentiality not to disclose any information to you without your bipolar spouse’s permission. That permission may or may not be forthcoming. So already, you’re operating half in the dark when you must make caregiver decisions that affect your entire family.

When things are as bad as they can be, and you have no spouse to discuss a problem with (because the spouse IS the problem), how can you be sure your decision making is as good as it can be? Where do you go for help?

Of course, getting your own counselor is not a bad idea. At least a professional will have some idea of the responsibilities you have and the multiple layers of consideration you face.

And sometimes a bipolar spousal support group can be helpful. You can find excellent bipolar support groups through NAMI. Unfortunately, many times they only have “general” bipolar support groups, so you end up meeting with those who have bipolar parents, siblings and children. Their life experiences are very different than getting support from another spouse of a bipolar husbands or bipolar wife.

Do you have any tips, forums or websites where you’ve found help for you to make your bipolar marriage run more smoothly? Please leave me a comment below with your advice.

How to Help Your Bipolar Spouse — powered by eHow.com

14 Questions To Ask Your Future Bipolar Husband’s Psychiatrist-Part 1

Contemplating marriage to someone with bipolar disorder? Your marriage will not be like any of your friends’ or family who do not have to deal with this extra relationship challenge.

Here are 15 questions to ask the psychiatrist about your future husband or wife if he/she has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

How can I participate in my future bipolar husband’s/wife’s therapy plan?
What are the potential long-term side effects of lithium and/or other psychiatric drug treatements?
Is there a chance that the medication prescribed now will become ineffective? If yes, what happens then?
How will other medications or alcohol affect my fiancee over time if he gets sick, has bad allergies or drinks too much?
What if the dosage on the medication(s) is too high? What does medicinal toxicity look like? Is a blood test twice a year enough to detect this?
Will my bipolar future husband or wife ever be “cured?” Will he/she ever be able to stop taking medication?
Are there other treatment options besides medication?
What are the bipolar disorder “warning signals” I should watch out for?
What are the risks to our marriage? What’s the worst that could happen? What are the chances of that happening?
Should we have children? What are the chances we’ll pass bipolar disorder to them? Is that an ethical consideration? Or a medical one?
Will bipolar disorder medication affect my future bipolar husband’s or wife’s ability to have children?
All things being equal, what percentage of a “normal” life can we hope to have together if he/she stays on a treatment plan?
How will bipolar disorder affect my future husband’s/wife’s ability to get medical insurance?
Does medical treatment for bipolar disorder shorten somebody’s lifespan or damage health or organs?
What should I be asking you about marriage to a bipolar husband or wife that I haven’t asked you yet?

Obviously, this is a lot of ground to cover with a medical professional. But even if it takes more than one session with your future bipolar husband’s/wife’s psychiatrist to get these questions answered, you’ll want to take your time in absorbing the enormity and ramifications of the answers.

No doubt you’ll want to discuss the answers with your future spouse, as well. Better to be informed as possible before you walk down the aisle than to be surprised with information you hadn’t considered after the wedding.

Bipolar Disorder Can Leave Permanent Emotional Scars on Husbands and Wives

“If recent research has taught us anything,” says Carol Jacobson, psychiatric social worker, “it’s that families also pay a price from bipolar disorder in the form of emotional pain, social isolation and stressed interpersonal relationships.”

Children may withdraw from the family unit, couples pull away or drift apart, individuals become isolated within their own families, she said. These situations leave scars on the family unit and affect the way family members deal with the needs, demands and often manipulations of the patient.

Husbands and wives can become overly involved or too distant, too permissive or too restrictive in an effort to gain relief from the bipolar husband’s or bipolar wife’s pathology or their own discomfort.

Jacobson offers 6 steps to prevent permanent emotional scarring:

Establish limits. Know what you are capable of giving. Don’t allow yourself to be pushed, forced, cajoled or intimidated into doing what you do not want to do. Giving more than you are willing to breeds resentment. Resentments are often then expressed inappropriately toward ourselves, the bipolar husband or wife or toward other family members.
Deal with your guilt and/or grief over your bipolar husband’s or wife’s illness. In other words, she advises, put the past to rest. Previous mistakes, angers, deficiencies cannot be changed. When you bring them up and berate yourself over them, you are left feeling helpless and angry. You cannot be reminded not to do this often enough, Jacobson says.
Forgive yourself your sins. If you don’t forgive yourself, you will continue to allow and excuse inappropriate behavior from your bipolar husband or wife. This leaves you open to “emotional blackmail,” which is extremely dysfunctional.
Do not tolerate inappropriate behavior. Illness is not an excuse for bad behavior, rudeness or manipulation. If your bipolar husband or wife is uncontrollable, seek immediate treatment or hospitalization. If you’re not sure if he or she needs treatment, ask yourself if you would accept this behavior from a non-sick family member. Far too often we excuse behavior from a bipolar husband or wife that we would never tolerate from anyone else.
Respect a bipolar husband’s or wife’s range of emotion, as you would anyone else’s. Living together in peace requires respect. A sick spouse can get well and may have normal periods of irritability, sadness and happiness. Keep your own anxieties and concerns under control and not label hbehavior “sick” because it disturbs you or brings back memories of previously ill times. Respond to today’s behavior honestly by dealing with what you see today.
Do not become an “in home therapist.” You may often find yourself spending time and energy talking about, thinking about, planning for or around the bipolar husband or wife and his/her problems. Don’t do this, Jacobson says. It is not healthy for you, your sick spouse or your family. The sick person has a qualified therapist or doctor. He/she needs the family to act as it would ordinarily. This teaches him/her through action and modeling what behaviors are appropriate for the greater world outside the home.

Jacobson says these 6 suggestions are easier to accomplish when you remember that you did not cause your bipolar husband’s or wife’s illness and your cannot cure their illness. But it is your choice to encourage health and responsible behavior.

Bipolar Husband? Bipolar Wife? Should You Stay Married?

Should You Stay Married To Your Bipolar Husband or Wife?

By Elizabeth Atlas

Husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends of partners with Bipolar Disorder are the overlooked and underserved mental illness support network of the Bipolar treatment world.

First, we are never secure about our own emotional needs. Are they more or less important the needs of our mentally ill spouse? If we choose to take care of our own needs first, we often suffer, then punish ourselves with guilt, then get angry toward our sick partner that he or she has caused us such misery.

But if we choose to put our partner’s emotional, physical and mental health needs ahead of ours-after all, he’s the sick one-our quality of life diminishes. Our choices are never easy and always agonizing.

True Marriage Partner or Bipolar Caregiver?

Second, husbands and wives are alone in coping with our spouses’ Bipolar Disorder (also known as Manic Depression). Besides managing doctor visits, medications, decisions on whether to hospitalize or not, “well” partners must fight for our relationships. The line between partner and caregiver is thin and often non-existent. It can make for a lonely and often devastating life.

You cannot share your feelings with your bipolar partner; he’s the sick one and the cause of your distress! Your parents are empty nesters; you can’t burden them with your problems. Your siblings have their own families to worry about. Unless mental illness runs in your friends’ families, they won’t understand what you cope with. Plus your bipolar husband or wife may not want you violating their privacy rights.

Why Do You Stay in Your Bipolar Relationship?

The pressure on us from friends, family and professionals is unrelenting. Those who ask, “Why do you stay in your relationship?” are not supportive. And neither are the ones that imply that it’s your duty to stay married to your bipolar husband or wife. Bipolar disorder runs roughshod over relationships. The divorce rate is three times higher in these marriages than in the general population.

Bipolar Suicide Rate

In my personal story, when I did find a “spousal support group,” there was one man (divorced) and 16 women. A third of the women’s husbands lived in their basements, couldn’t hold jobs and couldn’t contribute financially or emotionally to their family life. One third of the women were divorced from violent men who beat them or were emotionally abusive to them or their children (a common side effect of problems with bipolar medication).

The last third were widows-their bipolar husbands had committed suicide. (The suicide rate for bipolar disorder is 12 times higher than the “normal” population.) Everyone in the support group thought I was in denial for having a goal to stay married.

Why do you stay married to or in a relationship with a bipolar husband or bipolar wife?

Elizabeth Atlas is the author of “Married To Mania,” a book that helps spouses and partners be in relationships with someone with bipolar disorder. Her book teaches how to “live life on purpose,” despite the unfair hand you were dealt in love and marriage and despite the chaos and emotional mine field you must avoid everyday in a marriage to someone with manic depression (another name for bipolar disorder). Elizabeth shows how to construct a plan to take charge of your life and to retain control of your life’s goals, without getting caught up in the bipolar drama–no matter how much you love your bipolar spouse.

Bipolar Husband – Bipolar Wife – Bipolar Relationship Directory

• World Website Directory

Bipolar Husband – Bipolar Wife – Help with Bipolar Marriage

Why My Marriage To a Bipolar Husband
Qualified Me To Write a Best-Seller
on Being “Married To Mania”

…And Why the Bipolar Support Groups
Don’t Want You To Read My True Story

After 15 years of marriage to a bipolar husband, I wanted to help other spouses who were married to bipolar husbands and wives get answers they’d never hear from the professional mental health community. So I wrote a book that became a best-seller among spouses married to a bipolar husband or bipolar wife.

In doing so, I drew criticism from the “experts” because I was honest and realistic about bipolar marriage. As of now, my bipolar marriage book, “Married To Mania,” has sold in more than 38 countries and I continue to get positive feedback, like this note from Lynn in Michigan:

“I received the book yesterday, and have read it through twice already. There are no words for me to describe the level of emotions evoked through reading this information…sadness, awareness, shock, disbelief (are those all denial?) just an over-all unsettling feeling at the enormity of the situation I am in being ‘married to mania,’ and also the relief that there is someone else out there that “gets it”.

I have been married for almost 20 years, and all those ‘personality quirks’ and challenging times that we’ve had–well, I was clueless…..substance abuse has always been there, and my husband went to treatment 2 1/2 years ago, and was, for the first time, diagnosed as bipolar. We had a great two years, until (I didn’t realize he had quit taking medication) and he went into the first several day, non-alcohol induced manic phase that nearly did blow the roof off of our home, and we have 4 beautiful children!
What a relief to know I’m not alone. But now that denial is creeping away, I am in the grieving process, and stunned to the point of caution and apprehension for the next move. Thank you for writing “Married to Mania” and for providing this tool.”

This Is How My Book About Bipolar Husbands and Bipolar Wives Came To Be

I didn’t have medical credentials to write “Married To Mania.” But after 15 years of marriage to a man who was the most important person in my life, I was motivated to stay married, and was looking for all the answers I could find to do so. In my darkest, most hopeless hours of coping with my husband’s bipolar disorder, when I tried to reach out for information and help, I didn’t find many options. Most bipolar support groups are created for parents. Or they are for adults coping with a parent’s or a sibling’s illness. In the many support groups I attended over the years, I rarely met spouses.

Spouses are overlooked and under served in the bipolar treatment world. We’re continually uncertaint about whether our emotional needs are more or less important the needs of our bipolar spouse. If we choose our own emotional needs first (how selfish!), we often punish ourselves with guilt, then anger toward our spouse. Inevitably, that creates new problems for the marriage. But if we choose to put our spouse’s emotional, physical and mental health needs ahead of ours-—after all, they’re the sick one—who we get to be in life is a little more diminished. The choices are hard and always agonizing. A spouse is alone in coping with her bipolar husband or his bipolar wife.

Besides managing doctor visits, medications, decisions on whether to hospitalize or not, a spouse also has to fight to have a tenable relationship, which has turned out to be so very different than we originally expected. The line between partner and caregiver is thin and often non-existent. It can make for a lonely, if not devastating life.

You cannot share your feelings with your spouse; he’s the sick one and the cause of your distress! Your parents are empty nesters; you don’t want to burden them with your problems. And siblings have their own families to worry about. Unless your friends have mental illness in their families, they’re not going to understand what you are going through, and your spouse may not want you violating his privacy to share the details anyway. The pressures on us from friends, family and professionals can be unrelenting as well. It’s not supportive or even sensitive to be asked why you stay in your marriage or have it implied that it’s your duty to do so.

Bipolar spouses run roughshod over relationships. The divorce rate with bipolar disorder is two to three times higher than in the general population. When I did find a “spouse’s support group,” there was one man (divorced) and 16 women. A third of the women had husbands living in their basements as recluses, incapable of holding a job or contributing financially or emotionally to their family life; a third were divorced from violent men who beat them or were unstable and emotionally abusive to them or to their children; and a third were widows—their husbands had committed suicide. (The suicide rate for Bi Polars is 12 times higher than the “normal” population.)

Everyone in this support group thought I was in denial for having a goal to stay married. So I didn’t go back. Some help isn’t help. But I felt more isolated than ever. I just knew there had to be a “happy medium” somewhere that would allow me to “live life on purpose,” despite the unfair hand I was dealt in love and marriage. I knew there had to be better choices than living with bipolar chaos and avoiding emotional mine fields everyday.

So I set my sights on finding out my own answers, constructing a plan to take charge of my life, to retain control of my life’s goals and to discover concrete ideas for handling unexpected mood swings, uncontrollable outbursts of anger, inevitable guilt and remorse (mine and his!), and the emotions accompanying the realization that my life partner was no longer the one I married anymore.

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Bipolar Husband – Bipolar Wife – Help with Bipolar Marriage

The Story Behind the Book About Marriage
To a Bipolar Husband or Bipolar Wife
The Bi polar Support Groups
Don't Want You To Read (con't)

How To Be "Married To Mania"

It was a tough education. I had to learn tips for dealing with the medical and insurance establishments without second-guessing myself. They are decidedly not on your side. I had to accept going to counseling for me because my bipolar husband's psychiatrist wasn't going to be there with me when a bipolar episode occurred and my bipolar husgand was screaming at me uncontrollably for no reason, went on a wild spending spree squandering our future or became obsessed with other women or internet pornography.

His bipolar psychiatrist wouldn't help me decide whether to call the police or the mental hospital admissions desk. He couldn't be there everyday to help me figure out what to say and what not to say to the children or tell me how to explain what was wrong dad, and how it wasn't their fault.

I had to learn how to be “Married To Mania” but still make critical decisions everyday that took my bipolar husband's best interests into account without eradicating my morale and self-esteem in the process. I had to dig deep to learn how to still be me, the good person I know I was who didn't deserve any of this.

How To Be a Better Spouse To a Bi Polar Husband or Bipolar Wife

And after 2 years of research, I finished my book. I made sure to cover life-tested and proven strategies to help husbands and wives married to bipolar spouses become a stronger people and better spouses, despite the odds stacked against us. I wrote about how to take a mental-health break every now and then to appreciate the unexpected good days. And then how to jump back into your flak jacket, switch off the memory bank and turn up the force field when “reality” hits again.

All I wanted to do was help other husbands and wives learn to take care of themselves, cope with their mentally ill partner and sometimes to flourish in marriage made more challenging by mental illness. I wrote the book to help spouses in a bipolar marriage find the strength to merge two seemingly impossible objectives: staying married and taking charge of your own life (instead of waiting to see what your partner’s mood is before deciding what yours will be that day). I even discuss how to make the decision and gain the strength to leave.

I am very proud of my book, and it has sold well to its intended audience. But a funny thing happened on my way to "giving back." I sent emails offering review copies to all the major mental health organizations. I asked them if they'd review my book and then help me promote it to the spouses of the bipolar consumers they were helping. In exchange, I'd donate a percentage of every sale to their organization.

Rejected by the Bipolar Helping Establishment – Not There To Support Those
Married to a Bipolar Husband or Bi polar Wife

I was turned down by 100% of the bipolar disorder groups I approached. The general consensus was that my book was "too negative" or "not supportive." I had to laugh. I had been nothing, if not supportive, for more than 15 years. In fact, here's what one Executive Director wrote to me,

"Thanks for the opportunity to review your book, 'Married to Mania.' While it has some excellent material, we are not willing to put it on our website at this time. Some of our concerns unfortunately outweigh the many good parts. While we value your telling of your personal experiences, we want to foster Recovery, which is a reality for most persons with mental illnesses."

Of course they want to foster recovery–that's what they're mandated to do. The target market for this book isn't the bipolar husband or the bipolar wife! It's for the spouse of the bipolar husband and bipolar wife! The book is for the spouse who's married to a bipolar and who is about to fall apart, unraveling the last thread of support holding the family together!

The bipolar support industry totally missed my entire point. Here was a valuable resource that I'd searched for and couldn't find. A resource that an established organization could easily make available for the #1 supportive person in a bipolar husband's or bipolar wife's life…the one who was in daily charge of a bipolar husband's or wife's emotional, physical and mental stability. Take that person out of the equation, and the whole family dynamic falls apart. Wasn't that worth supporting, too? Or does only a sick person deserve help?

But, you know what? After I got over my anger, I realized: I really did have a best-seller! But I was pitching it to the wrong audience. I had to pitch my book to husbands and wives of bipolar spouses who know hope exists, but they weren't able to find it.

So if you're trying to make a bipolar marriage or a bipolar relationship work, then you're already familiar with the Bipolar Husband (or Bipolar Wife) Trifecta: Diagnosis, treatment and denial. You might find some life-changing nuggets in "Married To Mania." Because if you can’t live by the old saying, “It’s the journey, not the destination,” then I advise you not to take the trip.

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What To Do When Your Bipolar Husband Won’t Get Help

Sobering Advice for You
When Your Bipolar Husband or Wife
Resists Getting Help

It's frustrating and at times frightening, but, nonetheless, it's true. If your husband or wife is diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he or she may resist getting professional help. When they're depressed, they don't believe help is possible. And when they're in a manic state, they often get irritated or offended when you suggest it. It's not easy being in a bipolar relationship, so here's some information for you to think about.

Some bipolar people refuse treatment their entire lives. Others resist at first, but ultimately acknowledge that they cannot control this illness by themselves. The reasons they most often cite are fear, mistrust and denial. But as a caring spouse, for you it boils down to this:

If your spouse doesn't want treatment, there are only two circumstances in which help can be forced upon him. First, if your bipolar husband or wife presents an imminent health and safety danger to himself or, second, to others. Otherwise, he or she cannot be forced into treatment or "committed" to mental hospital.

This is the bitter medicine that you, as the well wife or husband, must take when you watch someone you love self-destruct. The hard truth is, you can't override your bipolar spouse's decisions for himself–as much as you might want to. And your spouse doesn't have to listen to you, as much as you may think that what you're telling him is for his own good.

The vast majority of bipolar people who pursue conventional psychotherapy have case outcomes that are generally much more positive than if the illness is left untreated. Most of the time, but not always.

Often your bipolar husband may decide to pursue alternative therapies and treatments–either after traditional medical treatment fails or because he distrusts doctors and drugs. These therapies may range from outright quackery to therapies for which some interesting and promising anecdotal evidence exists. The outcomes in these cases vary widely, but, often, if you *believe* that something will help you, it does: the power of positive thinking.

Sometimes those with bipolar disorder put their faith in spirituality to "heal" them or help them cope. As misguided as some treatments may sound to you, you cannot live your bipolar husband's life for him. Instead, turn it around and be glad that your bipolar spouse or bipolar partner is trying to take responsibility for his own care.

When you're in a bipolar relationship or you're married to someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder, remember to look out for yourself. As much as you want to help and protect this person, you can't let yourself become a financial or emotional victim. Join a family support group and take advantage of other resources available to you. You are not alone in dealing with this terrible illness.

Elizabeth Atlas is the author of "Married To Mania," a book that helps spouses and partners be in relationships with someone diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Her book teaches how to "live life on purpose," despite the unfair hand you were dealt in love and marriage and despite the chaos and emotional mine field you must avoid everyday in a marriage to someone with manic depression (another name for bipolar disorder). Elizabeth shows how to construct a plan to take charge of your life and to retain control of your life's goals, without getting caught up in the bipolar drama-no matter how much you love your bipolar spouse.